Do you ever forget you're alive? I often get this odd realisation that I'm actually ALIVE and it freaks me out. I can be sitting in class, on the train or in the shower where it comes to me that this is not some daydream and I am actually living. This may sound strange but I always seem to be so involved on focusing on each current challenge that comes my way that I end up thinking it's all a game. Do this, do that, go there, see them. I'll be sitting there and all of the sudden I remember that this is it. This is my life. It's a valuable feeling because whenever it comes over me I seem to be more appreciative of what I have and I'll usually get off my ass and do something productive. I think I have a forever-present anxiety brewing somewhere inside of me that fears that I will let my life elude me. I now aspire to constantly reawake myself to all that is going on around me and try not to get caught up in the trivialities of life.
Sometimes it's easy to get caught up in accomplishing lots of minor tasks and forget about the bigger picture. Last year it was as if I was caught in a constant stream of 'to-do' lists scribbled onto post-it notes. The focus on ticking off each box at a time proved effective in saving me from panic attacks and tears (most of the time). However, now with my final year of secondary education over I now face a point in my life where I need to establish new goals and objectives whilst giving myself time to stop and experience the joys of being eighteen. With high school over, VCE results published and university offers made it's time to move forth. What is done, is done.
This is where 2010 comes into the equation. I have already said this in previous posts but this year is for DISCOVERY. I'm currently in some sort of post high school limbo where I'm not sure where to go now. I see less deadline describing post-it notes on my monitor. It is now time for me to 'take the reins'.
In order to truly discover myself I've fled Melbourne to stay with my brother in London for the next three months. I'm hoping that by disconnecting myself from the familiar I'll come to recognise who I am against a landscape of strangers.
In order to escape the comforting but unproductive drone of cyberspace and quality British television I'm off to eat Vegemite toast and then stroll this beautiful city for photogenic places and people. I will post photos of my travels thus far shortly: a still reminder of life and that we are actually alive.
P.S: Please forgive me (if anyone reads this) for the lack of posts in the past two months leading up to this trip. Things have been crazy busy between university interviews, hangovers, Christmas and new years. I promise to be good to you this year.
Photo credit: Me whilst in Wales, 17th of January.